I.

i think of the future and i feel tired
sleep looks good
eternity looks better
i think of the past and i feel ill

i want to drag my family through the door
push my peers through the wall
and sit them down for a
Quiet Discussion
about why i've decided to hate them
but they don't listen -- busy -- pushed for time
too hurried to pay attention
too concerned with themselves to care

II.

i have decided that there is nothing they can offer me
i want to bloody their noses and bash in their heads
see them bleed bleed bleed
because i've tried to identify
and i've tried and i've tried

III.

i've tried to put my feelings on paper but the pencil pushes out the wrong words
i'm sick of indecision
tired of being patient
through with pleasing others
i refuse to play their games anymore

IV.

so i'm getting my shit together?
my life looks so neat and clean and spotless:
organized
all my emotions stacked in neat piles and wrapped in string
put in boxes and pushed in the closet
hidden from me until i am
old enough to handle my feelings

V.

funny
emotions creep in like unwanted relatives
never bothering to check in or see if i'm busy

i once had a lunchdate with Happiness
but Angst dropped in
unannounced
and wouldn't leave

Pride always shows up at the wrong time

VI.

so my friends depress me
they love me, too, bandage my wounds with
cigarettes and coffee
music and mayhem
drama and country drives

we discuss Our Future
and Things We'll Never Do
travel in small circles
like flies

VII.

i feel like a Jew
in a crowd of Nazis
without a fancy gun